


Loose Lips Sink Ships

by SageMasterofSass



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Underage Drinking, assume they're highschool age or older, but not quite 21 okay, drunk!craig, embarrassed!tweek, happy valentines day y'all!, minor slurs from carmatn, the big fish here is Creek, the other relationships are all just brief mentions btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 01:32:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13671477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SageMasterofSass/pseuds/SageMasterofSass
Summary: Beer Before Liquor, You'll Never Be Sicker





	Loose Lips Sink Ships

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caden/gifts).



> sup y'all. the original idea for this story came from a prompt i got over on tumblr from lizardcool17 (who sends me all the best prompts tbh) but i decided to use it as a gift for someone else. 
> 
> so! happy valentines cade! we've never actually talked before but u seem like a cool dude so hmu sometime i feel like we should hang

“Look, all I’m saying is, this whole trip was a really bad idea, and I don’t feel like you guys planned, like, _anything,_ ” Tweek says for the umpteenth time.

 

Nobody’s listening.

 

Nobody but Craig, that is, who has his arm around Tweek’s shoulder and is awkwardly patting him. “Hush, babe,” he murmurs, but his eyes are glued to the cooler Stan is pulling out of his truck.

 

“Booze!” Kenny screams. Kyle, Cartman, Clyde, and Token start chanting the word over and over again as Stan pulls the cooler over to the fire, and deposits it a safe distance away. A cheer goes up.

 

“They didn’t even pack any food,” Tweek says miserably. “ _ _Food__ , Craig. What the fuck are we supposed to eat?”

 

Craig pats him again. “Chill man, it’s one night and we all ate before we got here. It’s fine.”

 

“They didn’t bring water either! What about when we’re all hungover and sick tomorrow, what are we going to do then? Die of dehydration, that’s what!”

 

Stan starts pulling out cans of cheap beer and passing them around the circle. Rather than answer him, Craig just shoves a can into Tweek’s hands. It’s cold against his skin and he pouts, holding it close to his chest because yes he’s still pissed but he also wants to drink too.

 

An hour later the fire is roaring and Tweek has started to unwind a bit. He’s still worried about this group’s inability to fucking plan properly, but Craig is right. They’re supposed to leave first thing in the morning so it’s not like they’re going to be here long enough for something bad to happen.

 

In the meanwhile, they’re having a pretty good time. Everyone’s a little buzzed if not out right drunk already.

 

Kyle is leaning into Stan, and Stan is obviously trying very hard not to look at him. Practically the whole school knows they’re boning but they’re still not owning up to it yet.

 

Cartman is loudly telling a story that no one is listening to, but he doesn’t seem to mind. His laugh rings out over the their little campsite. It’s surprisingly comforting. Meanwhile, Clyde is red in the face, he’s definitely the drunkest of the group, and is staring all googly eyed at Cartman. Huh, there’s a couple Tweek’s never even considered before.

 

Token is between Stan and Kenny, and all three of them are talking and laughing. Tweek’s not really sure about what, he can’t quite hear from here, but judging by the grin on Kenny’s face it can’t be good.

 

And Tweek himself is leaned back on his palms, open beer in his lap and empty cans around his legs. Craig is on his phone next to him, occasionally swaying into Tweek’s space but mostly just taking candid shots of the others. Every once in a while he’ll turn the camera on Tweek, and Tweek will bat at him until he laughs and gives up.

 

That’s when Kenny leans into the cooler and pulls out a bottle of Everclear. More cheers go up, and this time small plastic cups are passed around the circle in lieu of actual shot glasses.

 

“This is a terrible idea!” Tweek calls over the other boys’ loud whistles and yells as their cups are filled.

 

“Have some fucking fun for once in your life!” Kyle yells back, and Craig and Tweek simultaneously flip him off. He sticks out his tongue and clings harder to Stan’s arm.

 

Despite his protests, Tweek ends up doing a first and second shot with the rest of the group. Most of them drop out after that, but Cartman, Kenny, and Craig all go for third, fourths, and fifths.

 

“You guys know you’re not supposed to drink liquor after beer right? It’s supposed to go the other way around,” Tweek admonishes.

 

Someone boos and throws an empty beer can at him, but misses. It lands in the fire instead.

 

“Beer before liquor, you’ll never be sicker!” Kenny recites from opposite Tweek, his grin large and white. His cheeks are turning an alarming shade of pink against his fair skin. “But you’ll also get drunker, so fucking do it anyways!”

 

Another cheer.

 

“We’re all going to regret this in the morning.”

 

“Ugh,” Cartman grunts. “Craig, control your bitch.” His eyes are starting to glaze over and he’s gone from happy go lucky to rather surly. His lips twitch up into a mean smile.

 

Craig, meanwhile, is very quiet, blue eyes wide and blinking slowly. He’s clearly drunk as fuck, swaying with more regularity now, like a metronome. A broken one with no sense of rhythm anymore. Despite that, he still frowns at Cartman and fights his way to his feet.

 

“Craig, sit down,” Tweek hisses, tugging on his shirt.

 

But Craig is oblivious. He’s pointing a shaking finger at Cartman. “Shut up, you fat fuck!” he says with all the brashness of a man too far gone. “Tweek is fucking amazing!”

 

That garners some giggles from the rest of the group, and Craig spins clumsily towards them. For a moment it almost looks like he’s going to topple straight into the fire but he seems to find his balance.

 

“None of you understand!” he cries. “Tweek is literally, actually the best!”

 

“How the fuck is he so well spoken?” Token asks, slightly awed.

 

“He’s cute, and funny, and super thoughtful!”

 

“Who cares, this is __hilarious,__ ” Clyde breathes.

 

__Oh fuck,__ thinks Tweek.

 

“His hair is all crazy in the morning, and it does this little flip thing!” Craig uses his fingers to demonstrate said flip, then barrels on over the slowly rising laughter. “It’s fucking adorable! He lets me play with it, and sometimes I pull it and he likes it and it’s __awesome__.”

 

“Uh, Craig?” Tweek squeaks, now bright red himself, and it isn’t from the fucking Everclear.

 

But Craig isn’t to be deterred. “He helps me with my homework, and takes great notes in class, and cooks for me when I don’t feel well!.”

 

“Tell us about his ass!” Kenny yells, hands cupped around his mouth and eyes gleaming.  

 

Craug dramatically clutches a hand to his chest. He’s obviously fucking enjoying himself. Tweek is going to kill him.

 

“His ass,” Craig murmurs, then louder, “His ass! It’s the best damn thing on this planet! It’s the perfect shape, the perfect amount of bouncy! You could bounce a quarter off that thing, and trust me I’ve tried! Sometimes he lets me sleep with my head on it.”

 

By now, Kyle has pulled out his phone and started filming. Tweek swears an ever lasting grudge against him as well as his boyfriend.

 

“Alright, alright gaywad!” Cartman shouts, but even he’s laughing too. “We’ve heard enough about your stupid gay love, sit the fuck down.”

 

“No! I’m not done yet!”

 

“Yeah, let the man speak!” Kenny shouts.

 

“You are too done,” Tweek growls, and pushes firmly against Craig’s leg until he drunkenly topples over. It gets a cheer out of everyone else.

 

“But I love you!” Craig cries from his new prone position.

 

“If you loved me you’d shut the fuck up.”

 

Mulishly Craig pushes himself up into a sitting position, glaring halfheartedly at Tweek. Everyone waits to see what he’ll reveal next, but in the end he just leans against Tweek’s shoulder and passes out there. Attention eventually moves elsewhere, and while no one is looking, Tweek pushes his boyfriend off into the dirt. Serves him right, asshole.

 

And if the next day, Tweek takes a very drunk and regretful Craig home and nurses him back to health, well. That’s for them to know and Craig to reveal the next time he gets smashed.

**Author's Note:**

> i do writing shit over on my [tumblr](http://scribespirare.tumblr.com/) so come check it out. send me some prompts if u feel like it


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